he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
