I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
