Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
