wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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