my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
