At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
