i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
