Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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