I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
