My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
