6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
