some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
