No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
