he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
