whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
