there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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