is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
