So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
