I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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