Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
