I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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