her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
