I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
