Just took my morning after pill in the library
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
