Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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