Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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