moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
