The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
