Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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