Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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