69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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