i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
