MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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