I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
