I heard we made out
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
