I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
