I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
