I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
