Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
