I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
