remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
