Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am one with the molecules
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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