Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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