I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
they need to just BURY HIM!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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