If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
