This is not my ceiling
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
