Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
