please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
