I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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