1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
