I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
