You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
