Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
