there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
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