drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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