I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I could make wine with my vomit
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
